Dog Days

doggyThere is a sweet sentiment in this online dating site letter I received today.  And yet, it is also just a bit creepy to say something like this in a first letter.  He also falls into the category I have started called “Throw this man some punctuation.”. There wasn’t a period or comma in the entire letter.  Here is what he said:

“Would love to get to know here I want to love you I want to get to know you and love you just like your dog loves you I wanna cuddle with you just like your puppy does”

Graduate degree?

diploma dudeThis gentleman sent me an email using one of the free dating sites.  He claims to have a graduate degree.  I can’t imagine what university would give him one.  Here is what he wrote:

“Hello dear, how are you doing and everything around you?”

What does that mean?  And everything around you?

His profile is even better.  Clearly English is not his first language.

I am a [sic] easy going man and i know what it takes to love a woman and what it takes to be love [sic] by a woman. i liking [sic] going to the beach along side cool music. ”

So he likes to be beside music?  Lovely!  I hope it keeps him from being lonely.

This is how he responded to the question about what he wants to do on a first date:

building a wonderful family.together with all manners of sincerity and honesty. i am not here for games or child play. serious minded only

That is one very intense first date.

Eve?

This is truly a new one in dating site letters.  I don’t understand why it is a compliment to say this to a woman.  Someone see if they can tell me why I should be flattered.  Perhaps there was more to his thought but he was unable to express it.

“Hello there, Wow you looking cute and i think you are the first woman God created..Am Jason and you are?”

Someone throw this guy an “S”

I don’t usually post online dating profiles – just the emails I get.  But this online dating profile cracked me up.  This man needs to go to Wheel of Fortune to guess an few “S’s” and buy a few “A’s”.  It is funny, because at times he remembers to use “a” – he just can’t get it together consistently.  And I don’t know what he means when he says he likes “county”.  What county would that be? Cook? DuPage?

“i am romantic man that knows how to treat a lady, i open door and pull out chair for her to sit on at dinner, i like to go dancing and watching movie, i like long walk along a beach or a park holding hands together and taking our time just talking. i like slow music ans mood music, i like county and candlelight dinner… I am an easy going man full of life and still very young at heart, i love to meet people and discover the beauty of life and nature. i have travelled to so many places have seen different culture and people so i came to a conclusion that i can make it anywhere. i am very romantic and caring, i do everything like a normal person and hardly get angry at people and i am comfident and ready to face challenges. i am presently single but with heart filled with love and hope to meet that special person to start a lovely and happy family with. i love peace and i will do anything to prevent war but i have a daughter and shes all i have now in my life and you know she needs a motherly love and care now that is why i want to open my heart once again for love..”

Give this guy a deal on punctuation

Apparently, the person who wrote this dating site letter did not have the cash to pay for punctuation.  Perhaps someone can offer him a deal.  The sad thing is that he says he is a local firefighter – so I can’t blame his lack of good grammar on being a foreigner.  His entire profile is written as 1 long sentence with no periods or commas anywhere.

“Hello beautiful how are you doing today my name is xxxxxx and I find you very attractive let’s get together and see where it takes us you can reach me at xxx-xxx-xxxx I look forward to hear from you have a great day ​”

 

exclamation point

Picky picky

question mark

I got this dating site email – all it said was this:

“You seem very nice with many of the qualities I am looking for. However you seem alittle (sic) pickier then myself.”

What am I supposed to do with that?  Agree I am picky and that I am not interested?  This email came from a balding, overweight, slightly educated gentleman who admits he had an accident and uses a cane.  Good thing he is picky.  Wouldn’t want him to get matched up with the wrong woman.  (Truly – not trying to be mean – but this one is just odd) .

The Sexy Limit

This dating site email I received hits a new level of cheesy.  What makes it border on gross, is that the person who sent it to me is more than a decade younger than me.

“Hey! Umm…Okc just text me, they wanted me to tell you that you’ve passed the sexy limit & that you need to tone it down Bc you’re making it unfair for the rest of the chicks on here lol. Should we say something back to them or let it slide this time?”

My response to a 1am text message

I received an email from a man on match who would not correspond via email. He reached out to me first, I never in any way pursued him.  He insisted on getting my phone number right away.  I responded that before I gave him my number, I needed to know for sure he was not a fake user.  I asked him to tell me where he lived and what he did for a living (so I could verify something about him).  He responded with cross streets in another state – Boca Raton FL. When I questioned him, he said he has a home in my state and a vacation home in Boca.  And then again demanded my phone number.  So I gave in and gave it to him.  Didn’t hear from him, so I forgot about him.

Last night (1 whole month later), at 1am, he sent me this text message “‘John’ [name changed to protect him] aka “his match user name” wants to meet “my name” aka “my match user name.” 🙂  Sorry for texting so late.”

I try not to send negative emails.  I think it serves very little purpose and just puts more bad feelings out there – we have enough of those.  But I just could not refrain from responding to him.  Here is the email I wrote to this late night texter at 8 am this morning.  I thought you would enjoy this.

“I wonder if just for a minute you thought about how I might perceive the text you sent me at 1 am this morning. Like, did you think, perhaps that I might think – a) who is this person texting me in the middle of the night? and b) once I figured it out who it was, wouldn’t I think – geez. He badgered me for my number a month ago and then didn’t contact me. Now he is contacting me, in the middle of the night, and expecting me to know who it is, much less to wake up and start texting at 1 am? Does he think I was just sitting around waiting for a month for him to find the time to reach out to me? After a month, you couldn’t have waited until daylight? Or does he think I am so desperate that I would just jump at the chance to meet him the second he finally contacted me? I don’t usually respond when someone seems to show little to no interest in me, much less so rudely contacts me in the middle of the night. But I thought it might be helpful for you to know my reaction so perhaps you can be more successful in the future. Best wishes to you.”

Seriously.  What is the deal?

You just so beautiful

It was so kind of him to stop by and compliment me in this online dating site email.  It is unfortunate that his grasp of grammar is just not that stellar (he does get credit for using the right “you’re” and the smile).

“Hello I think you’re absolutely stunning, so i decided to drop a note by and I got to compliment you on how great you look, You just so Beautiful. Be looking forward to hear from you! *Smile*

An “A” for Effort, A “C” for Chocolate

As a side job, I used to have a candy company where I made English Toffee.  I include that in my profile.  This charming gentleman took the time to acknowledge that.  But after reading it, I think he really did just want some of my toffee.

 

“Wow, you our [sic] the total package. I’m very impressed, and want to congratulate you. I wish more ladies on earth were like you
I read your profile, and I agree with 97.93.1% of what you said (I wish I had a score like that in Calculus 1-2-or3 ).
The reason I’m messaging is that I like English Toffee. Please tell me what I have to do to try your toffee

Ten reasons why to make toffee
10 I really like toffee, and will do anything to try yours. ( almost anything )
9 I’m honest
8. I try to take my mother to church every Sunday
7. Did I tell you I like toffee
6. I’m a hard working man
5. I have an Electrical Engineering, Business Administration, and QC NDT degrees
4 I’m a field engineer, for the company that tries to keep your lights on
3 Why wouldn’t any man travel just to meet you and try your toffee
2. If you do not know I like toffee. Please start from the beginning of this message

The last reason. Number one. Maybe I should wait and let you think about. OK I can’t wait

1. Why can’t we be friends”

 

When I didn’t answer, he persisted:

“Please don’t walk away, without answering my toffee?”